Gotta love me!

Caution: This post is blunt and involves a great deal of self-disclosure but I hope it can help other people get to know me and maybe even themselves better. Here is to hope! :)

 I had a realization today that I feel could be related to exercising and/or gaining a testimony. I have struggled with my weight all of my life. But not until I was in the 7th grade did I realize how much of an issue it was. At that point I decided I needed to take charge and over the next few years into high school I "healthified" myself you could say... well I lost weight if you want to get technical.
         It was one of the hardest periods in my life. Not only was I dealing with the difficulties of adolescence I was trying to change habits and perceptions of myself and others. I think often back on that time of my life and I am so grateful for my hard work and the good habits and perseverance it instilled in me but it did not come without a price. This is the part that I find most revealing about myself and there are times I reflect on it with a great deal of pity. Everyone needs something to motivate them to make changes to whatever degree or magnitude they may be. I was motivated by love or rather a lack of it. I wanted so much to be loved and not from the people you would imagine. I wanted to date, I wanted to feel beautiful, and most of all I just wanted that amazing connection you get with someone of the opposite sex. You know that intellectual and spiritual all encompassing connection where you feel like someone gets you and appreciates the fact that although you are imperfect your imperfections make you who you are. Someone who fosters within you feelings of appreciation and a deep abiding desire to better. Of course I wanted to cuddle and kiss and hold hands but I truly just wanted something I didn't feel I could have without losing weight. Now I know at this point some people might be thinking that my problem was a lack of self-esteem and most likely that was part of it but it wasn't the reason I wanted to change so much.
         I fought myself to change and it took me years but once I reached what I thought I wanted nothing really changed. Yeah, I guess I got the attention I wanted but never did I find that connection I was seeking for. From then on I continued to see myself as a constant challenge to overcome. I had to maintain my weight amid everything else I struggled with in my life over the next few years: college, new jobs, moving away for school, making new friends, health problems that exacerbated my, then present, struggle to stay the same physically, and my more recent battle with finding a job over a 6 month period of time while lacking projects, tasks, and motivation to keep me busy and living. Then came the more interesting part of my life. I learned more about love: I don't remember the specific day but I do remember thinking to myself, "You are amazing, beautiful, and have the potential to inspire other people to live to their fullest potential." Something to that effect anyway. :)
       Don't think that from that day I never struggled again. Trust me I have looked at myself in the mirror and judged my reflection with the most venomous critique wishing I was the weight I used to be and that my pants fit me the way they used to but I didn't stop living just because I had gained weight. I don't like the fact that I could be nearing a double chin and that my pants just don't look as snazzy on as they used to.
      Our society has bred an unobtainable standard of beauty and health. We say that you are moral if you are thin. (I got that from one of my nutrition classes). We face so many obstacles as a society. Among these are economic problems, climate changes that ebb and flow more like the ups and downs of an intense roller coaster, and the current obesity epidemic. Many of these issues are not very well understood because of their complexity. I want people to understand that. I wish they knew that being overweight, obese, and morbidly obese is a complex problem that cannot be treated with a simple dose of diet and exercise.
      I know that my friends are my friends because of who I am, what we are together, and who we help each other become. One of my greatest fears is that people will look at me if I have gained weight and subconsciously think, "Wow! What happened to her? Did she let herself go?" Therefore subconsciously diminishing my value and efficacy as a person.
      Lastly, I can't change what people think of me or how they treat me. I can't change the things that make it hard for me to be who I want to be but I can change what I think of myself. A thought is the first prerequisite to action. Act with purpose and with integrity.

My awesome weekend with Meplissa

I learned how to unicycle this weekend from one of Melissa's friends. He taught us the basics and then let us go and I tell you what unicycling is hard work. My thighs were on fire but it was so fun balancing on one wheel. That is before I actually pedaled. The pedaling was rough work and I kept, as Shawn and Melissa would say, "[I] got scared at the dead zone". That is probably not the most accurate quotation but that is what they said and I am sticking with it. Writing a blog feels a lot like writing in a journal so if my posts sound like I am talking to or laughing at myself I am doing both. Ha-ha. 

Melissa and I also competed in a race on the wii. Ha-ha. The funny part is the whole time I was watching her little guy run. I kept running faster but he wouldn't pick up the pace so I thought it was a problem with the wii mote. Nope, it was just me. Haha. We ran up a storm though. The other competitors didn't know what hit them. That is what happens when you mess with Meplissa and Chelpsey. 

Oh and Melissa's mom made some of the most delicious meals: tomato soup (homemade) and chicken pot pie. Whoa! I had to cook dinner for myself tonight and opted not to because I couldn't live up to her  delicious food. :) 

Hopefully photos will be posted later.

Walk too far

           I was doing a little reading this morning and came across a story that motivated me to make another goal. I have heard from a few people that walking to the Temple is too far or walking to the University is way too far.
        Those opinions combined with the idea to increase my speed so it takes me less time to walk the same distance I am going to walk to these destinations that have been dubbed "too far".
        That being said. I have made a small list and would love some continued suggestions. Everyone needs something to motivate them and challenge them to achieve and this already has me wanting to put my walking shoes on and get out there! :)

1- The temple
2- Utah State University
3- My friend Chuck's house
4- Macey's
5- Casper's Ice Cream
6- Pepperidge Farm

                                  Essentials for Operation "Walk too far"

I hope to post photos of this adventure along the way.

It works for me

I decided I need to exercise much more than I do currently. This happened about 2 weeks ago. On this day I stumbled upon a webpage article suggesting one way to lose weight was walk 5 extra miles a day. I liked this idea because it gave me a goal I could set for myself everyday that I didn't loathe even when I was tired. So I found a destination for myself that totaled 5 miles somewhere in town and I went to work. From that day until today I have walked on average 6 miles a day in addition to whatever exercise I do and can I tell you how good it feels!
The reason I mention this event in my life at all is because it was something that worked for me. I find doing jumping jacks during the commercial breaks of my favorite tv show or jogging in place while waiting for my soup to heat up on the stove were silly and unrealistic for me. I had to find something I could stick with and I did. On the days I don't go to the gym, dance, bike ride, or whatever I decide to do I get my 5+ miles in and it motivates me to make good choices throughout my day.
Find something that works for you. I promise that if you do you will never look back regretfully.

August 2010 = June 2012

Transitions are a part of life. They happen slowly almost unnoticed at times and yet the large changes we face are anything but slow and subtle. In August of 2010 I moved from my home of 22 years to a place I had dreamed of for the past year and a half.

I hated it. I cried because I was alone for the first few months. I am sure I am not a rare case nor I did I believe I was. I survived it with the help of my parents and my loving fathers kindness. I got through it and came out a different and stronger young woman. I experienced so many firsts and many events that I had only dreamt of.

Life is cyclic I think. We face challenges, grow, and come out better in an unending pattern. I am back to this place I loathed being and hoped I would never return to again. I am back to where I started in August of 2010. Its a different month and year but the situation proves to be all too familiar. I know its time for me to grow. I need to stretch and learn a bit more humility but I wish it didn't come with so much pain.

So as I have said so many times:
           Here I stand at the open door with my loves, dreams, and hopes cupped in the palm of my hand. I inhale and release my grip as they are released into the world. With the freedom of my hands I grip the edge of the door as I stare out into the darkness. This time I don't know which direction to go or where to begin. The air is filled with a still cool blackness. Trusting in my father once again I move. Where? I do not know. All I know is, as before, my path will be lit once I take my first step. So I inhale until I feel my lungs are about to burst and lift my right foot and move it out into the darkness... .

Bucket List (What?! Really?!)

Miss Vickie's List:
This list is a combination of frivolous pursuits (but enjoyable) and those that I find soul filling.

1- Machu Picchu
2- The Swiss Alps
3- Great Wall of China
4- Easter Island
5- The Smithsonian's
6- Learn conversational spanish
7- Learn to say "hello" in 50 languages
8- Go paragliding
9- Go white water rafting.
10- Learn to fly a plane
11- Take canon tour (traversing between trees on a zip line)
12- Go to the National Cherry Blossom Festival, Washington, DC
13- Visit Germany and drive or ride on the Autobahn
14- Visit Norway
15- Visit all 50 states
16- Learn how to use a pogo stick
17- Learn to play chess (teach someone)
18- Learn more about astronomy
19- Make a piece of furniture you are proud of
20- Find the parents of Helena Jonsson and find my ancestors. (family history)
21- Learn how to embroider
22- Learn how to make my own earrings
23- Build a Habitat for Humanity Home
24- Volunteer at a soup kitchen
25- Finish one of my short stories
26- Be a good (in terms of religion- all good things come from God therefore being good denotes a characteristic of deity) person in all of my roles in life.
27- Own a piano
28- Learn how to properly tune a piano
29- Own a pet (preferably a cat but I do enjoy dogs too)
30- Go whale watching
31- Ride a gondola
32- Witness an eclipse
33- Learn archery
34- Take a basic self-defense class
35- Learn how to belly dance ( the traditional belly dancing)
36- Go rock climbing with my brother
37- Visit the Tillamook Cheese Factory
38- Visit the Salt Lake City Zoo while listening to Shakira's "Waka waka (This Time for Africa) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRpeEdMmmQ0
39- Learn how to play "Lord I would Follow Thee" or "I Feel My Saviors Love" on the guitar. (Learn how to play the guitar.)
40- Accumulate 5 extra miles of walking in a day.
41- Make it to the top of an outdoor climb
42- Go skiing in 2014
43- Go cross-country skiing
44- Take more photos
45- Write in journal at least 3 times a week

Who is Victoria?

I was thinking to myself who Victoria Rose Oliverson is and I came up with the beginnings of her story. I hope you enjoy:

Victoria rose oliverson is a tall wise woman with long brown eyelashes, dark brown hair and a radiant olive complexion. She has four pet frogs: george, almoner, jack, and pepper. Living off the coast of Paranesia in a small quaint town named after her great great great grandfather Hanrich MeAnndelger lived Victoria.

She watered her garden everyday wanting the plants to grow tall and green leaving vibrance to fill the garden and her life. Her chore was to keep herself so engulfed in her garden that she wouldn't think about Yakani.

Yakani was a tame man, burnt brown eyes, warm chestnut hair, and a fierce gaze that startled old women and swooned the young. Yakani was charming most women adored him looking for any opportunity to persuade him to marry them. Obviously all of these women have failed but not victoria. She didn't even know who he was until a chance meeting.

Victoria often sings sweet songs and reciting poetry of sorts.

"Where to begin but ere they follow so sweet we sing and so be there no wallow…"

She would sing and dance in rhythm to the music of her garden. Yakani wandered past one day as Victoria religiously sang to her garden to bring life and light enriching its fertilized seeds with songs of peace and nourishment. Calmly she sat on a nearby stump and stopped earlier than normal to think. This is when Yakani walked by. In her heart she sang songs of sorrow. How she wished for what she did not have and knew not those wishes were making her unhappy. Her eyes filled with hopelessness and her face fell deeply into her hands. Yakani stopped peering around a nearby oak. Victoria continued to weep whilst attempting to sing sweet songs to her roses but the sweetness melted into words of an unsettled heart.

"Where to begin but ere they follow so bitterly they weep and in deep holes they follow… down down down they go…"

Yakani was a bit estranged to the words and felt a coldness around his being. Although her words were chilling and quite depressing something hopeful whispered from nearby in her words. She wondered about Yakani today and knew that words could not speak for her nor could her actions explain much of anything to the dashing Yakani. So in her silence she kept. Yakani walked on but pondered on those words of Victorias: "Where to being but ere they follow so bitterly they weep and in deep holes they follow…down down down they go…"

Question: My question is what do you think should happen next?

Kindness

I am sure many of you are wondering who is Victoria Rose Oliverson. Don't worry time will elaborate on the details of this woman but for the here and now this blog has an exciting purpose in my life. I like to think about so many things. I dream and I get easily distracted from important and sometimes pressing tasks but somehow find my way back to them in the end. Nonetheless those little side tangents often disappear into the black hole of thought probably never to be returned to again.

This blog is here for me to share with everyone some of those uplifting and inspiring thoughts and I hope that people will share their thoughts as well. I love discussion and conversation that builds and creates good within each of us. So here it goes.

Kindness... its simple and enriching for the giver as well as the receiver. I had an epiphany the other day that when we do something kind for someone we are reflecting the savior in our own countenance. By so doing our kindness and goodness serve to build others up and maybe in the process do a little "paying it forward". I just briefly thought a little more on that today and decided that through those kind acts we are building ourselves and helping to become better more Christlike people. Its wonderful that through a simple kind act we are becoming better. There you go, just one more beautiful way to look at things.

I started reading this article "42 Practical Ways To Improve Yourself". My hope is to tackle one of the 42 tasks a week. Starting with number "38".

38. Show kindness to people around you. You can never be too kind to someone. In fact, most of us don’t sh

ow enough kindness to people around us. Being kind helps us to cultivate other qualities such as compassion, patience, and love. As you get back to your day after reading this article later on, start exuding more kindness to the people around you, and see how they react. Not only that, notice how you feel as you behave kindly to others. Chances are, you will feel even better than yourself.

For the article click here.

I hope that as the weeks go by others add their thoughts so that this is about more than just me.

(This is image is one that was taken by a photographer at Logan Regional Hospital for their Volunteer page of me because I volunteer there)